Taking on Sexy

The closest I’ve felt to sexy is putting on skanky clothes (in retrospect that’s not sexy) and writing and creating things with my hands. Words made me feel sexy; the words I choose and use…words that jump out at me from a book and shake me to the core.

In some strange way my sexy has been externalised. Over time it has become superficial. I no longer find myself unique. I know how to dress sexy, but I want to be able to not need clothes to help me feel sexy. I don’t want to be rock-and-roll-glossy-mag-media-determined sexy. I don’t want the sexy everyone has. I want my partner to find me sexy without the pretense, the outer layers, the style of clothes or the shade of hair. I want him to see that we don’t want that kind of sexy. We want to bring on our own sexy.

More than anything, I want to feel ME-sexy, sexy-centric, sexy-ssistic. I want to look in the mirror and fall in love (and lust) with myself.

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